Stereotypically Organized

Confession time: I love organization. I love de-cluttered clutter (aka organized clutter). I love when my house is neat and tidy. I enjoy making large meals to share with guests in my home. I enjoy having overnight guests so I can set up a little space for them to help make their stay comfortable. The saying, “Everything in its place and a place for everything” along with “Work now, play later” fits me perfectly.

I am sure this comes as no surprise to anyone – however, in confessing this, what I am admitting to, is. . . that . . . well . . . hold on to your hats . . . you may want to be sitting down for this . . . I am a stereotypical female in this regard. I mean how many average males do you know who almost pee a little with excitement in a store all about organizing? Or who grab at their new Real Simple mag when it comes in the mail only to flip to the new organizing tips or to the “Double Duty Household Items” section where you can discover how to use everyday household items for a different purpose (for instance, have you ever thought of using a metal hanger to hang spools of ribbons on? Now my gift wrapping storage area is a lot neater thanks to this tip – who knew?)? And oh, did I mention, I am a HUGE fan of Canadian Living mag? The recipes are tried and true and oh so YUMMY! And generally, very easy and often quick.

So there you have it – I have some stereotypical female tendencies. So, what’s the big deal you may ask? Like, who cares? I’ll tell you who cares - I do. I dislike succumbing to stereotypes because they often perpetuate a system of oppression. Type casting people based on gender, race, parental status, height, hair colour, age, what have you, is wrong. So, when a stereotype proves to be true, it’s hard for me to take.

Now, I realize stereotypes exist for a reason – they weren’t just created out of thin air. However, the thing about stereotypes is that not all of a particular group adheres to all the stereotypes of that group. For instance, there is a stereotype that women are bad drivers. Well, I gotta say, I’m a great driver. Maybe too aggressive at times, or too fast, but I am not a bad driver. And then the opposite of that stereotype – what is being said without being said - is that all men are good drivers. Well, I gotta say, that I disagree with that. In fact, I know a couple male drivers that I would prefer to never have my little person drive with.

There is so much that could be said here about stereotypes and type casting and pegging people based on something external or what have you, but I don’t have time to delve into it all. What I want to end with though is that I am a big believer in the individual. People are who they are. Some are completely stereotypical while others can never be pigeonholed. Though I wish I were the latter, only because I want to buck the system (or as one person noted, I always want to “rock the boat”), I am who I am . . . This is the way God made . . . and society formed me. Besides, as philosopher, Simone de Beauvoir noted, “One is not born a woman, one becomes one”.

What a little coffe and cake can do

I’m sitting in my dinning room with some coffee and chocolate cake listening to Martin Sexton play his guitar as I wait for my little person to wake from her nap. Here, I’m thinking about people who have come and gone in my life, dreams I had and still hold dear, and just about how things are turning out. Not that things will ever turn out – that would mean there was an end, a resolution. I don’t think there’s ever going to be an end, just another chapter. And eventually a chapter without me.

I wonder a lot lately about people from my past. Where are they now? What are they like? What are my old best friends doing these days? Are they well? Do they wonder about me? How are we different? How are we still the same? Would we be friends today?

Being a person who has moved a great deal I have a lot of people to think about . . . a lot of people to regret not keeping in touch with. But I have a lot of great memories. So many good times. I enjoy sitting and thinking about how I laughed so hard my ribs ached, how I loved so deeply for the first time, how I was taken care of by good girlfriends when a mess, many late nights and some early mornings. I feel good about the past. I feel so fortunate. So whole.

I hope that Ayvlyn will have such wonderful memories. Though I laugh when I say this, because I was a bit of a rebellious teenager (my mom would often say, “I hope you have children just like you” and she didn’t mean that positively - haha). Those nights I would sneak out or sneak people in, ‘sleeping over at a girlfriends house’ only to be some where else, kissing games, alcohol . . . but still when I think about it all, I can’t help but smile. I may have broken some of the rules, I may have done some ridiculous things, but I turned out fine. And better then that, I have very few regrets and no feelings of missing out on something. And that’s saying a lot, because there are people my age (almost 30 – eek!) who are still partying in excess, ending one relationship for another, searching for something they think they’re missing. . . . But not me, all that I want I have and more.

Sure things weren’t always rosy and they sure aren’t now – but overall my life is solid and good. And that’s good enough for me. I have lived a good life and I hope to continue to do so. And I hope that Ayvlyn will always be able to sense my contentment and that she will experience the same - what ever that will look like.

Yeah, I’m happily content . . . hope you are too.

My Average Day

With Ayvlyn now 3 months old & with many ‘Blog’ entries never actually leaving my head I thought I’d make an attempt to write today – which will surely turn into tomorrow & perhaps next week. Babies – however scheduled they may be – take time, energy & mental processing. Who knew these little creatures could consume so much of one person? Or, in the case of Ayvlyn two people & a feline. That's right, we can’t leave out Morley (our cat) since he gets left out so often now. Poor guy – he’s being devoured by his jealousy, noticeably expressed through his obvious emotional eating.

Anyway, one question I get asked a lot lately is “What do you do during the day”? So, here is an illustrative view of what my average day involves:

The washer & dryer: I clean around 12-16 receiving blankets a day, about 5-6 bibs, 3-4 sleepers, and any number of cloth diapers. I then fold the clean blankets & clothes & put together the diapers (how cool are cloth diapers I ask you? I really dig the Bum Genius & Fuzzy Buns brands).

The kitchen sink & microwave: I wash bottles & pumps about 5-6 times a day – sorry La Leche League & to my midwife, I gave up nursing after 1 month & 1 day to become a breast milk feeding by pump & bottle Mom.

The couch: I snuggle Ayvlyn close while feeding & burping her here (no T.V. allowed during this time). After I have put my little one down I sit & pump 5 -6 times a day for around 20 minutes. We just got cable so sometimes I watch T.V. – I really enjoy HGTV, especially “Location, Location, Location” and “Relocation, Relocation” – now more then ever I want to move to the UK. Sometimes I'll read during this time. Right now I have three books on the go - I'm finishing "The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How it has Undermined Women" while I've just starting reading "The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?" & "Parenting From the Inside Out".

Hanging out with Ayvlyn: I try to help her developmentally through tummy time, play gym time, etc & show her how loved she is. My favourite pastime with Ayvlyn is lying next to her on mine & Steve’s bed ‘chatting’. I also like diaper change time because that’s when she ‘talks’ the most.

Keeping Morley from: any number of things, such as destroying a couple plants in the house, walking on Ayvlyn’s floor gym, walking on Ayvlyn’s receiving blankets, meowing for attention VERY LOUDLY as if he hopes to wake the baby, sitting on Ayvlyn’s clean laundry . . .

Napping for about two hours in the morning while Ayvlyn sleeps from around 8am – 10am-ish.

With such a day, where I’m alone most of the time doing so many repetitive & menial tasks, I have a lot of time to ruminate. Sometimes I share my thoughts with Ayvlyn – I swear she understands me as she responds with her curious and thoughtful eyes & now with some coos – oh how I love her coos. And though these tasks must be done for my baby girl, I don’t think I’m alone when I say that washing soiled diapers is NOT a beautiful, multi-sensory experience & that there is nothing lovely or exhilarating about cleaning bottles and pumps so many times a day (though I admit to smelling Ayvlyn’s laundry while folding it and being overwhelmed with heart palpitating happiness). That said, I have come across people that would in deed suggest such things (for instance author Sarah Ban Breathnach of “Romancing the Ordinary: A Year of Simple Splendor” – sorry Steve, I am again bashing that book you gave me on our first Christmas – the book that was the catalyst for our biggest ‘discussion’ yet).

I am happy that I have this time to be home with Ayvlyn. Watching her grow is indescribable (believe me, I just sat here for 5 minutes trying to come up with words to express how awesome it is to see her reach different milestones). Yet, I look forward to going back to work, half time, starting August 5 (yes, Ayvlyn will only be 7 months then - & yes I know I can have a full year off. In my next Blog entry I will unpack this want of work outside the home).

So that's it. Barring any unforeseen occurrences this is what I do on my average weekday. Sometimes I mix it up a bit as I head out with friends with kids. Sometimes people drop by. Sometimes Steve has a day off. Sometimes I go grocery shopping. Now that the weather is better I go for walks with Ayvlyn.

Oh how I like being out of the house, but not enough to attend a Mom's group. I have tried a couple, but they're not for me. I'm out going enough, but I'm not into chitchat about breastfeeding, cloth diapers, baby wearing, the latest consumer report warning & what my husband does for a living. I'm sure deeper friendships can develop from such groups, but it's hard for me to get past the small talk. But that's just me. Mom's groups are obviously a great thing for so many others. Perhaps I should look into volunteering. You know, continue my part of supporting capitalism by doing more unpaid work . . . Wow, where did that come from?

'Til next time . . . you know, 'cause this Blog only took me 8 days to complete . . .

Ayvlyn Cora

Steve & I had a baby girl on Sunday, January 6th at 3:24 pm. She weight 8 pounds 11 ounces (WOW - we had no idea she'd be so big). Her name is Ayvlyn Cora Doucet Campbell. To say her name it rhymes with 'dave' and add the lyn on. Anyway - all is well. Trying to get sleep when we can and my Mom and sister are here. So, all is going good - just need more sleep. Though I hear I'll be saying that for a LONG time.

P.S. Yes, we know her initials are A.C.D.C

4 Months Alreday?

Ohmigosh - I can't believe it's been four months since my last post. This is ridiculous. But, I guess once I become a Mom I'll Blog more - I read it's 'the' thing to do for Mom's. I believe I will be known as a "Mommy Blogger" - or something like that. I hear Mom's do this as a way to reach out to others . . .

So, yeah, Steve and I are expecting. We're due around January 1. Yes, that's right, we both are expecting. I may be doing the grunt work, but Steve is very much a part of this journey. Steve and I learned quick that people congratulate the Mom-to-be far more then the Dad. Seems odd since he was there at conception and will be there at birth and all the way through our child's life into adulthood - Lord willing.

So, what's prompting me to write? Probably the two papers I should be finishing by the 19th has something to do with this. But also, I think I am in the midst of crisis and wondered if another had some wisdom. You see, as I transition into the ranks of motherhood I'm a little freaked out. What about you may ask? Well, let me share with you:

1.) Loosing my identity. Already it seems that I am no longer just me. For instance, no longer do people ask, "How are you?" expecting to hear about "me". What they really mean or actually ask is, "How are you feeling?" or "How's baby?". I realize this is often out of concern - perhaps pity too, because their face often contorts into a sort of sad, concerned look - but still. What about me? Baby is fine. I'm eating right, trying to sleep well (though let me tell you, switching from my tummy to my side is an ordeal!), and frankly it seems that God has blessed me with the ability to be pregnant easily, thus far. Sure it's hard to understand that I am one being and baby is another since baby is so dependent on me in the womb. I guess this is preparing me for when baby actually comes and suddenly all conversations some how end up being about baby/children. This leads me to point number 2.

2.) Talking baby/kids. Already it seems that more than 75% of conversations I have with friends revolves around baby, baby products, birth, children in general, pregnancy, etc. I am thankful for my job so that I have other things to discuss with adults. I am not looking forward to talking all baby when baby comes though. I know I will have questions and will want to talk baby to some select friends and family, so as to get help with things. And I'm sure I'll be a proud Mom no matter how homely our baby may look, or how much baby cries, or how little sleep baby brings, or how sore my nipples (should I in fact be able to breast feed) or other body parts feel, so I will want to share that. But, I will also want to talk about how the war in Afghanistan is futile, that Stephen Harper is bending over for George Bush, how the 100-mile-diet is awesome, how my faith journey is going, when and where Steve and I are going to do work overseas - or at least away, what I am passionate about, etc. But, I hear that doesn't happen much. What I hear happens is I join a Mom's group so I can brag about my baby, sometimes feel judge for the way I mother and sometimes do crafts. I get to join Rock & Roll Moms, so I can get out of the house and burn off that baby weight so I can "look like myself again", and talk about all the weight I gained but how it was worth it b/c my baby is . . . I get to stay at home and hope to have an adult visitor come by so I don't feel so isolated and don't pounce on Steve the minute he gets home so I can have a conversation with an adult. This does not sound thrilling to say the least.

3.) Being a parent. I am really fortunate to have such an incredible "good-enough" Mom. She's never been a superhero and I am glad for that. It makes motherhood seem possible in a day and age of superhero / helicopter parenting. My Mom has always made me feel loved and instilled in me that I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to. Both she and my dad constantly remind me of how proud they are of me (and Steve) and I am glad for it. I hope that I too, despite my foibles, am able to be the kind of parent my Mom was and is. Of course there are things that I will do differently and things that I will hope I am doing differently - but probably won't due to it being a 'learned behaviour' that I don't even recognize. But, being a Mom / parent seems so scary due to the depth of influence I will have and not have on a life.

4.) People touching my belly. Back off - that's all I have to say. If I don't invite you - don't try. Sorry - I am not the touch-type and can't see how someone can justify touching someone so intimately in this day and age. I'm not reaching out to touch any thing on you I may find interesting, so how does a swollen tummy filled with mine and Steve's baby give you permission to touch me?

So, there you have it. These are some of the things that go through my mind. Overall, I guess I am trying to prepare myself for the loss of some of my identity as I hear that happens. Seems that as I grow and then push a new life out I must sacrifice much of my own. Depressing. And I'm sure it doesn't have to happen - or at least not so intensely as I have imagined or perhaps stated. But, I am so scared of losing myself - of being in limbo. I am scared of not being content, of becoming angry, of being resentful of so much change all at once . . . I know that there will be many moments of joy, I know that though baby brings lots of work I will say at the end of the day, "It's worth it". But I fear the expense it will cost me and whether I will be able to make this sacrifice well so that baby is emotionally healthy, Steve is emotionally healthy, our marriage remains solid, and I too remain emotionally healthy and somewhat intact.

Thoughts?

The Rev. Jerry Falwell is Dead

LYNCHBURG, Va. - The Rev. Jerry Falwell, the television evangelist who founded the Moral Majority and used it to mold the religious right into a political force, died Tuesday shortly after being found unconscious in his office at Liberty University. He was 73.


Death is a sad event for the loved ones left here on earth – so I feel for the family and friends of the Reverend.

And, I too will miss Jerry Falwell and his public stance on moral issues. For who else would publicly blame feminists, gays, lesbians and liberal groups for bringing on the terrorist attacks of September 11? (Though, he later apologized for this). Who else would accuse Tinky Winky, a purple, purse-toting character on television's "Teletubbies" show, of being gay and morally damaging to children? Who else would call Global Warming a “Tool of Satan”?

Ahh Jerry, you will be missed. For who else will I now shake my head at for helping to bring embarrassment to the name of Christianity? Silly me, of course, Kenneth Copland, Pat Robertson and the 700 Club.

A Shout Out To SPRING!!!

Complaint: Winter in Winnipeg – often Winnipeg is noted for breaking records as the coldest city in Canada. If you were a polar bear this would be an exotic vacationland.

Upside: Though the winters are cold, there is a lot of sunshine. This is wonderful – a gift some might say.

Further on the upside of Winnipeg and it’s climate – Winnipeg has GORGEOUS Springs. The green grass, fresh scent of budding plants and trees, little rain (though I imagine not everyone is happy with that – sorry farmers). And, no bugs – at least not for a couple more days – weeks.

Today, I sheepishly admit, that I am happy to be living in Winnipeg . . . today.

What’s the climate like where you are?