What a little coffe and cake can do

I’m sitting in my dinning room with some coffee and chocolate cake listening to Martin Sexton play his guitar as I wait for my little person to wake from her nap. Here, I’m thinking about people who have come and gone in my life, dreams I had and still hold dear, and just about how things are turning out. Not that things will ever turn out – that would mean there was an end, a resolution. I don’t think there’s ever going to be an end, just another chapter. And eventually a chapter without me.

I wonder a lot lately about people from my past. Where are they now? What are they like? What are my old best friends doing these days? Are they well? Do they wonder about me? How are we different? How are we still the same? Would we be friends today?

Being a person who has moved a great deal I have a lot of people to think about . . . a lot of people to regret not keeping in touch with. But I have a lot of great memories. So many good times. I enjoy sitting and thinking about how I laughed so hard my ribs ached, how I loved so deeply for the first time, how I was taken care of by good girlfriends when a mess, many late nights and some early mornings. I feel good about the past. I feel so fortunate. So whole.

I hope that Ayvlyn will have such wonderful memories. Though I laugh when I say this, because I was a bit of a rebellious teenager (my mom would often say, “I hope you have children just like you” and she didn’t mean that positively - haha). Those nights I would sneak out or sneak people in, ‘sleeping over at a girlfriends house’ only to be some where else, kissing games, alcohol . . . but still when I think about it all, I can’t help but smile. I may have broken some of the rules, I may have done some ridiculous things, but I turned out fine. And better then that, I have very few regrets and no feelings of missing out on something. And that’s saying a lot, because there are people my age (almost 30 – eek!) who are still partying in excess, ending one relationship for another, searching for something they think they’re missing. . . . But not me, all that I want I have and more.

Sure things weren’t always rosy and they sure aren’t now – but overall my life is solid and good. And that’s good enough for me. I have lived a good life and I hope to continue to do so. And I hope that Ayvlyn will always be able to sense my contentment and that she will experience the same - what ever that will look like.

Yeah, I’m happily content . . . hope you are too.