The lie that "time will tell"

Phew! Ever experience stress so much that your body feels on edge, your mind races even in the wee hours, you dream of the tasks you have to do at work, school, for volunteering, etc? Well these past two weeks I have been carrying a great deal and have experienced these things. It seems I had taken on quite a bit. Though I enjoy keeping busy, I think I hit a threshold recently.

It started with Computers Class, mix in the weight of my last counseling course before I graduate this April (FINALLY!), mix in Campus Visit Day at work – which I am in charge of planning and hosting (www.cmu.ca - check that off – until the next one at the end of March), then mix in volunteering for UNIFEM (http://www.unifem.org/) and their upcoming event (which took place last night – check that off) and then mix in my one client I am still meeting with, and work (it’s another busy season at CMU for me as applications are due if they want to receive Academic Entrance Scholarships), and throw in life – events I want to attend (Anglicanism 101 at St. Benedict’s Table http://www.stbenedictstable.ca/), a house that I like to keep clean, my husband whom I would like to see and spend time with, and shake all these up and you’ve got stress. Who knew?

But I have survived (obviously) and things are winding down and oh boy am I happy for this. Sure it’s all great things to be involved with. They each serve a wonderful purpose – raising money for UN projects that serve women around the world, raising awareness of Christian University Education, updating my computer skills, completing my Master of Arts. But sometimes I wonder to what end? Sometimes I wonder what I am working towards – as I don’t know what I want to be, to do, or whom I am becoming – because who I am now is not who I was a few years ago – but how did I get here?

You know, despite having a degree in Counselling Psychology (O.K. – I know not quite yet – but almost) I really am not reflective. But who has time? So much to be done – but again – to what end? Cyclical little bugger isn’t it. Crap. If only someone could figure it all out for me – save me time. Ha-ha. Time.
Oh time you nasty little thing – and to think you were invented to help create more humane working conditions. Yes, perhaps it does help working conditions – but what about my life’s condition – my soul’s condition?