Ohmigosh - I can't believe it's been four months since my last post. This is ridiculous. But, I guess once I become a Mom I'll Blog more - I read it's 'the' thing to do for Mom's. I believe I will be known as a "Mommy Blogger" - or something like that. I hear Mom's do this as a way to reach out to others . . .
So, yeah, Steve and I are expecting. We're due around January 1. Yes, that's right, we both are expecting. I may be doing the grunt work, but Steve is very much a part of this journey. Steve and I learned quick that people congratulate the Mom-to-be far more then the Dad. Seems odd since he was there at conception and will be there at birth and all the way through our child's life into adulthood - Lord willing.
So, what's prompting me to write? Probably the two papers I should be finishing by the 19th has something to do with this. But also, I think I am in the midst of crisis and wondered if another had some wisdom. You see, as I transition into the ranks of motherhood I'm a little freaked out. What about you may ask? Well, let me share with you:
1.) Loosing my identity. Already it seems that I am no longer just me. For instance, no longer do people ask, "How are you?" expecting to hear about "me". What they really mean or actually ask is, "How are you feeling?" or "How's baby?". I realize this is often out of concern - perhaps pity too, because their face often contorts into a sort of sad, concerned look - but still. What about me? Baby is fine. I'm eating right, trying to sleep well (though let me tell you, switching from my tummy to my side is an ordeal!), and frankly it seems that God has blessed me with the ability to be pregnant easily, thus far. Sure it's hard to understand that I am one being and baby is another since baby is so dependent on me in the womb. I guess this is preparing me for when baby actually comes and suddenly all conversations some how end up being about baby/children. This leads me to point number 2.
2.) Talking baby/kids. Already it seems that more than 75% of conversations I have with friends revolves around baby, baby products, birth, children in general, pregnancy, etc. I am thankful for my job so that I have other things to discuss with adults. I am not looking forward to talking all baby when baby comes though. I know I will have questions and will want to talk baby to some select friends and family, so as to get help with things. And I'm sure I'll be a proud Mom no matter how homely our baby may look, or how much baby cries, or how little sleep baby brings, or how sore my nipples (should I in fact be able to breast feed) or other body parts feel, so I will want to share that. But, I will also want to talk about how the war in Afghanistan is futile, that Stephen Harper is bending over for George Bush, how the 100-mile-diet is awesome, how my faith journey is going, when and where Steve and I are going to do work overseas - or at least away, what I am passionate about, etc. But, I hear that doesn't happen much. What I hear happens is I join a Mom's group so I can brag about my baby, sometimes feel judge for the way I mother and sometimes do crafts. I get to join Rock & Roll Moms, so I can get out of the house and burn off that baby weight so I can "look like myself again", and talk about all the weight I gained but how it was worth it b/c my baby is . . . I get to stay at home and hope to have an adult visitor come by so I don't feel so isolated and don't pounce on Steve the minute he gets home so I can have a conversation with an adult. This does not sound thrilling to say the least.
3.) Being a parent. I am really fortunate to have such an incredible "good-enough" Mom. She's never been a superhero and I am glad for that. It makes motherhood seem possible in a day and age of superhero / helicopter parenting. My Mom has always made me feel loved and instilled in me that I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to. Both she and my dad constantly remind me of how proud they are of me (and Steve) and I am glad for it. I hope that I too, despite my foibles, am able to be the kind of parent my Mom was and is. Of course there are things that I will do differently and things that I will hope I am doing differently - but probably won't due to it being a 'learned behaviour' that I don't even recognize. But, being a Mom / parent seems so scary due to the depth of influence I will have and not have on a life.
4.) People touching my belly. Back off - that's all I have to say. If I don't invite you - don't try. Sorry - I am not the touch-type and can't see how someone can justify touching someone so intimately in this day and age. I'm not reaching out to touch any thing on you I may find interesting, so how does a swollen tummy filled with mine and Steve's baby give you permission to touch me?
So, there you have it. These are some of the things that go through my mind. Overall, I guess I am trying to prepare myself for the loss of some of my identity as I hear that happens. Seems that as I grow and then push a new life out I must sacrifice much of my own. Depressing. And I'm sure it doesn't have to happen - or at least not so intensely as I have imagined or perhaps stated. But, I am so scared of losing myself - of being in limbo. I am scared of not being content, of becoming angry, of being resentful of so much change all at once . . . I know that there will be many moments of joy, I know that though baby brings lots of work I will say at the end of the day, "It's worth it". But I fear the expense it will cost me and whether I will be able to make this sacrifice well so that baby is emotionally healthy, Steve is emotionally healthy, our marriage remains solid, and I too remain emotionally healthy and somewhat intact.
Thoughts?
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
The Rev. Jerry Falwell is Dead
LYNCHBURG, Va. - The Rev. Jerry Falwell, the television evangelist who founded the Moral Majority and used it to mold the religious right into a political force, died Tuesday shortly after being found unconscious in his office at Liberty University. He was 73.
Death is a sad event for the loved ones left here on earth – so I feel for the family and friends of the Reverend.
And, I too will miss Jerry Falwell and his public stance on moral issues. For who else would publicly blame feminists, gays, lesbians and liberal groups for bringing on the terrorist attacks of September 11? (Though, he later apologized for this). Who else would accuse Tinky Winky, a purple, purse-toting character on television's "Teletubbies" show, of being gay and morally damaging to children? Who else would call Global Warming a “Tool of Satan”?
Ahh Jerry, you will be missed. For who else will I now shake my head at for helping to bring embarrassment to the name of Christianity? Silly me, of course, Kenneth Copland, Pat Robertson and the 700 Club.
Death is a sad event for the loved ones left here on earth – so I feel for the family and friends of the Reverend.
And, I too will miss Jerry Falwell and his public stance on moral issues. For who else would publicly blame feminists, gays, lesbians and liberal groups for bringing on the terrorist attacks of September 11? (Though, he later apologized for this). Who else would accuse Tinky Winky, a purple, purse-toting character on television's "Teletubbies" show, of being gay and morally damaging to children? Who else would call Global Warming a “Tool of Satan”?
Ahh Jerry, you will be missed. For who else will I now shake my head at for helping to bring embarrassment to the name of Christianity? Silly me, of course, Kenneth Copland, Pat Robertson and the 700 Club.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
A Shout Out To SPRING!!!
Complaint: Winter in Winnipeg – often Winnipeg is noted for breaking records as the coldest city in Canada. If you were a polar bear this would be an exotic vacationland.
Upside: Though the winters are cold, there is a lot of sunshine. This is wonderful – a gift some might say.
Further on the upside of Winnipeg and it’s climate – Winnipeg has GORGEOUS Springs. The green grass, fresh scent of budding plants and trees, little rain (though I imagine not everyone is happy with that – sorry farmers). And, no bugs – at least not for a couple more days – weeks.
Today, I sheepishly admit, that I am happy to be living in Winnipeg . . . today.
What’s the climate like where you are?
Upside: Though the winters are cold, there is a lot of sunshine. This is wonderful – a gift some might say.
Further on the upside of Winnipeg and it’s climate – Winnipeg has GORGEOUS Springs. The green grass, fresh scent of budding plants and trees, little rain (though I imagine not everyone is happy with that – sorry farmers). And, no bugs – at least not for a couple more days – weeks.
Today, I sheepishly admit, that I am happy to be living in Winnipeg . . . today.
What’s the climate like where you are?
Friday, May 4, 2007
Fumbling
I have a penchant towards the term “Fumbling” as a way of describing myself.
“Fumbling”, according to dictionary.com means:
1. To touch or handle clumsily or idly: "fumbled the receiver into its cradle" (Howard Kaplan).
2. To make a mess of; bungle.
3. To feel or make (one's way) awkwardly.
4. To grope awkwardly to find or to accomplish something: fumble for a key.
5. Football: To drop (a ball) while in play.
Baseball: To mishandle (a ground ball).
Why do I think this describes me?
I think for many that know me, they understand me to be a passionate person. I can agree with this. Passionate, yet idle. I have a great many ideals, yet when it comes down to it, I have ‘fumbled’ or ‘dropped the ball’.
Where have my passions lead me? To a job that I have to pep talk myself into thinking I am doing a great thing – advocating for Christian University Education (and btw I do not work for a Bible College – Bible Colleges are fine in and of themselves - but I do not work for one). I mean, I enjoy my job and the team I work with and the greater community, understanding that I am part of something that is helping to rise up Christian thinkers and leaders – and I’m pretty good at it. But, my passions were to lead to more extraordinary things, like serving others in sub-Sahara Africa – in the trenches of the HIV/AIDS pandemic. My passions were to lead me to teach gender studies in a Christian University – debunking gender stereotypes and the like. And I could go on.
I also find myself fumbling with friendships. As I wrote in my Blog entry, “Hanging out with Female Friends” I am not good with connecting to others. I often miss opportunities to develop deeper, more meaningful friendships. That it seems people put themselves out there to me, while I turn and swim back to the shallow end.
All these passions. All these good intentions . . . Reminds me of a saying a teacher once told me, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”. Hmmm, a phrase that could perhaps adequately define me too, for according to "The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy", found on bartleby.com, this phrase means, “Merely intending to do good, without actually doing it, is of no value.”
Reflecting on all this suggests to me that perhaps I could replace the term 'passionate' to 'sensitive'. I am a sensitive person. It's something I try to hide, as I have been led to believe that being sensitive is a cowardly thing. But, more and more, I believe to be sensitive and to show it is a beautiful and strong thing. So, perhaps, up 'til now, I have been a 'passionate coward' - hmmm. . .
So, I feel as if I am fumbling through this world, seen through the lens of my age, socio-economic status, gender, stage of life, ethnicity, etc. Based on this, I am sure many in this world cannot relate to what I am saying. Maybe you can’t either? But, it's as Sarah McLaughlin once realized I am, “fumbling towards ecstasy”.
What word describes you?
“Fumbling”, according to dictionary.com means:
1. To touch or handle clumsily or idly: "fumbled the receiver into its cradle" (Howard Kaplan).
2. To make a mess of; bungle.
3. To feel or make (one's way) awkwardly.
4. To grope awkwardly to find or to accomplish something: fumble for a key.
5. Football: To drop (a ball) while in play.
Baseball: To mishandle (a ground ball).
Why do I think this describes me?
I think for many that know me, they understand me to be a passionate person. I can agree with this. Passionate, yet idle. I have a great many ideals, yet when it comes down to it, I have ‘fumbled’ or ‘dropped the ball’.
Where have my passions lead me? To a job that I have to pep talk myself into thinking I am doing a great thing – advocating for Christian University Education (and btw I do not work for a Bible College – Bible Colleges are fine in and of themselves - but I do not work for one). I mean, I enjoy my job and the team I work with and the greater community, understanding that I am part of something that is helping to rise up Christian thinkers and leaders – and I’m pretty good at it. But, my passions were to lead to more extraordinary things, like serving others in sub-Sahara Africa – in the trenches of the HIV/AIDS pandemic. My passions were to lead me to teach gender studies in a Christian University – debunking gender stereotypes and the like. And I could go on.
I also find myself fumbling with friendships. As I wrote in my Blog entry, “Hanging out with Female Friends” I am not good with connecting to others. I often miss opportunities to develop deeper, more meaningful friendships. That it seems people put themselves out there to me, while I turn and swim back to the shallow end.
All these passions. All these good intentions . . . Reminds me of a saying a teacher once told me, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”. Hmmm, a phrase that could perhaps adequately define me too, for according to "The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy", found on bartleby.com, this phrase means, “Merely intending to do good, without actually doing it, is of no value.”
Reflecting on all this suggests to me that perhaps I could replace the term 'passionate' to 'sensitive'. I am a sensitive person. It's something I try to hide, as I have been led to believe that being sensitive is a cowardly thing. But, more and more, I believe to be sensitive and to show it is a beautiful and strong thing. So, perhaps, up 'til now, I have been a 'passionate coward' - hmmm. . .
So, I feel as if I am fumbling through this world, seen through the lens of my age, socio-economic status, gender, stage of life, ethnicity, etc. Based on this, I am sure many in this world cannot relate to what I am saying. Maybe you can’t either? But, it's as Sarah McLaughlin once realized I am, “fumbling towards ecstasy”.
What word describes you?
Thursday, April 12, 2007
The Importance of a Kitchen Window
I have a dishwasher (which is energy efficient and we only turn it on when it’s jammed packed and we only use the light cycle – there justified).
So, I have a dishwasher, yet I still find myself washing pots, pans, the cat’s dish, travel mugs, Nalgene bottles, and so forth at the sink located under the kitchen window. I enjoy this time spent with my hands in the soapy, warm, water that smells of sweet green apples. In fact, there are times when I go to the kitchen in hopes of finding some dishes to wash. Crazy, I know, particularly considering the battles fought as a child, teen and even as a young adult (sorry Mom, Jenny, and all past roommates for any suffering and anguish this may have caused, either vented or not). So, what could possibly draw me to this little, stainless steel sink with a window above it?
The view is by no means spectacular. It is of a tiny backyard that fills with garbage blown in from the back lane. This dingy lane I stare at is often filled with cars from the Coptic Orthodox church, (they put Protestant Christians to shame with the amount of time they come together for church and prayer), the apartment dwellers just down the lane, and the ever abhorrent Balcean & Sons Plumbing trucks that seem to believe they own the entrance to the back lane and the lane itself – not to mention the amount of garbage this business dumps by the two dumpsters, which I also have the great fortune of viewing through my kitchen window.
So, it is not the view that draws me there. Nor do I believe it is my hyper need for cleanliness. Rather, I am drawn to the relaxing five to fifteen minutes that I spend there relatively quiet and uninterrupted. Here I stand as I deliberately wash a few dishes, reflecting. Often attempting to come to a comfortable resolve on a topic or releasing an issue that may have arisen either from the day or from my memory.
Recently, I was mulling over something my boss opened a staff meeting with. It was an idea he was pondering from a book he read regarding the past. What stood out to me was something about allowing the past to bless you . . . Hmm, what does that mean? And what a crazy thought – allowing my past to bless me?! Certainly, there are wonderful parts of my past that have formed and shaped me into who I am. I can see how much of my upbringing has impacted me and made me the strong, content, friendly person I am today. But, there is a time, in my life where I can’t see how it could bless me.
This is not to say this time was bleak and horrific. By no means was it, as I met many awesome individuals, experienced great things, and learned so much about people and life. However, when I journey back I sense a pain I never spoke of, I note a selfishness I lost myself to, and I am flooded with a fear that I now know I allowed myself to surrender to.
Perhaps it is the shame I carry from this mixed up time that drifts me back there, wondering how it could bless me. Perhaps it is the knowledge of the hurt I caused some people to experience then that keeps some memories ever present in my minds eye? Mostly though, I think it is the knowledge that I will not be able to apologize for this hurt caused. So, how can this bless me?
Yes, it has almost been ten years. And, it has also been brought to my attention that maybe I am arrogant to think that this undue harm I caused actually affects them to this day –that they ever even think on this time or me and the terrible decisions that were made. Perhaps this is true. But, I’ll never know. So, how can this bless me?
And so it is, at the kitchen window I stand, slowly washing my dishes, contemplating such things.
Where is your kitchen window?
So, I have a dishwasher, yet I still find myself washing pots, pans, the cat’s dish, travel mugs, Nalgene bottles, and so forth at the sink located under the kitchen window. I enjoy this time spent with my hands in the soapy, warm, water that smells of sweet green apples. In fact, there are times when I go to the kitchen in hopes of finding some dishes to wash. Crazy, I know, particularly considering the battles fought as a child, teen and even as a young adult (sorry Mom, Jenny, and all past roommates for any suffering and anguish this may have caused, either vented or not). So, what could possibly draw me to this little, stainless steel sink with a window above it?
The view is by no means spectacular. It is of a tiny backyard that fills with garbage blown in from the back lane. This dingy lane I stare at is often filled with cars from the Coptic Orthodox church, (they put Protestant Christians to shame with the amount of time they come together for church and prayer), the apartment dwellers just down the lane, and the ever abhorrent Balcean & Sons Plumbing trucks that seem to believe they own the entrance to the back lane and the lane itself – not to mention the amount of garbage this business dumps by the two dumpsters, which I also have the great fortune of viewing through my kitchen window.
So, it is not the view that draws me there. Nor do I believe it is my hyper need for cleanliness. Rather, I am drawn to the relaxing five to fifteen minutes that I spend there relatively quiet and uninterrupted. Here I stand as I deliberately wash a few dishes, reflecting. Often attempting to come to a comfortable resolve on a topic or releasing an issue that may have arisen either from the day or from my memory.
Recently, I was mulling over something my boss opened a staff meeting with. It was an idea he was pondering from a book he read regarding the past. What stood out to me was something about allowing the past to bless you . . . Hmm, what does that mean? And what a crazy thought – allowing my past to bless me?! Certainly, there are wonderful parts of my past that have formed and shaped me into who I am. I can see how much of my upbringing has impacted me and made me the strong, content, friendly person I am today. But, there is a time, in my life where I can’t see how it could bless me.
This is not to say this time was bleak and horrific. By no means was it, as I met many awesome individuals, experienced great things, and learned so much about people and life. However, when I journey back I sense a pain I never spoke of, I note a selfishness I lost myself to, and I am flooded with a fear that I now know I allowed myself to surrender to.
Perhaps it is the shame I carry from this mixed up time that drifts me back there, wondering how it could bless me. Perhaps it is the knowledge of the hurt I caused some people to experience then that keeps some memories ever present in my minds eye? Mostly though, I think it is the knowledge that I will not be able to apologize for this hurt caused. So, how can this bless me?
Yes, it has almost been ten years. And, it has also been brought to my attention that maybe I am arrogant to think that this undue harm I caused actually affects them to this day –that they ever even think on this time or me and the terrible decisions that were made. Perhaps this is true. But, I’ll never know. So, how can this bless me?
And so it is, at the kitchen window I stand, slowly washing my dishes, contemplating such things.
Where is your kitchen window?
Monday, April 2, 2007
Hanging out with Female Friends
I have a confession: So after I ranted about buying from developing countries and shipping these items long distance I went away on a trip with three female friends to do exactly that – buy from developing countries that use slave labour, etc. But, please note, this trip was something of an anomaly for me for several reasons:
1. The friends are the wives of my husband’s friends.
2. The point of the trip was to shop.
3. The shopping took place in the USA, more particularly at, “The Mall of America” and “Super Target”.
4. The shopping was sponsored by MasterCard.
5. I am trying to be more conscious of where I am buying or from what country, etc.
Why is this a confession? Well besides the obvious (again stealing from the economically disabled and buying out of country only to put it on credit) I do not feel good for this shopping expedition because there was no real joy to it. We were four women on a mission of consumerism. Four women out to buy and get away with as much as we could without having to pay duty - which BTW the Canadian government raised to $400CDN from $200CDN for a 2 -4 day trip to the USA about 2 weeks before my trip.
Sure in the evening we ladies chatted and hung-out, despite exhaustion after a day of shopping. But real conversation, the stuff that makes a friend a friend didn’t come until the drive home. And even then it felt shallow. My confession then, is that I didn’t brave the situation, I let it pass me by. I didn’t try to make friends.
Why do I find it difficult to connect to others? Why does it feel like I can’t be honest with others? For instance, something bothered me about a particular topic on the trip. However, rather than talk it out, I ignored it. I guess I didn’t want to ruffle feathers? But, isn’t that what a friend does? They venture into the deeps – the sacred space of another to share, to laugh, to challenge, to encourage, to support, to cry with, etc.
I know there are different levels of friendship. But, why is it I find myself at the shallow end of the pool? Is it because I have my guard up, afraid of judgment? More than likely, as I am terrible for judging and maintaining high standards for myself. So of course I would suspect others of this. What a sad state of affairs.
It’s amazing this world I live in. Praise for greed, praise for individualism, praise for – feeling alone?
I have the need to comment here, that I don’t feel all alone. Steve is a beautiful support and I love him, understanding that he loves me. And of course, being a Christian I have a relationship with God that ebbs and flows in distance and connection. All well and good, but what of the other human connections? I guess I’m looking for more than “Cheers” or the “Starbucks Experience”. I want to be known and to know others (thank you Larry Crabb).
How about you?
1. The friends are the wives of my husband’s friends.
2. The point of the trip was to shop.
3. The shopping took place in the USA, more particularly at, “The Mall of America” and “Super Target”.
4. The shopping was sponsored by MasterCard.
5. I am trying to be more conscious of where I am buying or from what country, etc.
Why is this a confession? Well besides the obvious (again stealing from the economically disabled and buying out of country only to put it on credit) I do not feel good for this shopping expedition because there was no real joy to it. We were four women on a mission of consumerism. Four women out to buy and get away with as much as we could without having to pay duty - which BTW the Canadian government raised to $400CDN from $200CDN for a 2 -4 day trip to the USA about 2 weeks before my trip.
Sure in the evening we ladies chatted and hung-out, despite exhaustion after a day of shopping. But real conversation, the stuff that makes a friend a friend didn’t come until the drive home. And even then it felt shallow. My confession then, is that I didn’t brave the situation, I let it pass me by. I didn’t try to make friends.
Why do I find it difficult to connect to others? Why does it feel like I can’t be honest with others? For instance, something bothered me about a particular topic on the trip. However, rather than talk it out, I ignored it. I guess I didn’t want to ruffle feathers? But, isn’t that what a friend does? They venture into the deeps – the sacred space of another to share, to laugh, to challenge, to encourage, to support, to cry with, etc.
I know there are different levels of friendship. But, why is it I find myself at the shallow end of the pool? Is it because I have my guard up, afraid of judgment? More than likely, as I am terrible for judging and maintaining high standards for myself. So of course I would suspect others of this. What a sad state of affairs.
It’s amazing this world I live in. Praise for greed, praise for individualism, praise for – feeling alone?
I have the need to comment here, that I don’t feel all alone. Steve is a beautiful support and I love him, understanding that he loves me. And of course, being a Christian I have a relationship with God that ebbs and flows in distance and connection. All well and good, but what of the other human connections? I guess I’m looking for more than “Cheers” or the “Starbucks Experience”. I want to be known and to know others (thank you Larry Crabb).
How about you?
Friday, March 23, 2007
The "Tool of Satan" & Kenneth Copeland Ministries
Two things have come up this week that has grieved me. Bare with me, this is a long post:
1.) The Christian right and their stance that Global Warming is a “tool of Satan”
2.) Kenneth Copeland Ministries
The first point is offensive to my soul because it’s absurd! But, that doesn’t really explain it – it’s like saying something is “stupid” (which is also true in this case). Anyway, I will share with you why I am so peeved with this particular group. Please note, I know not everyone who would be considered a part of this group believes that global warming is a hoax. Please also note, I don’t like using the terms 'right' and 'left' to describe Christians. However, it helps me to get across my point quickly – and I'm at work . . . Don’t worry, I’ll work through lunch and I rarely take breaks, so I am not stealing from my employer.
OK. So, where was I before I set my disclaimers? Oh yes, Jerry Falwell and James Dobson and their thoughts on global warming. Now, of course one would suspect Jerry Falwell of saying something so ill conceived - (that the debate over global warming "is a tool of satan"). It’s almost expected. Besides, does anyone really take this man seriously any more? But then to have Dr. James Dobson, founder and Chair of the Board of Focus on the Family (which I'm saving for another post and could evetually be the basis for my Doctoral dissertaion if I ever do a Doctorate), and some of his cronies, demanded Richard Cizik’s resignation from the National Association of Evangelicals because Cizik “cannot be trusted to articulate the views of American evangelicals on environmental issues.”
This is madness! Oh, and what might these unusual views be, you ask? Cizik agrees with the consensus of international scientists, religious leaders, business leaders and economists that global warming is an urgent and imminent threat to planet earth, a threat that if not acted upon soon will only get worse and worse (thank-you Joey for allowing me to plagiarize without your knowledge). If you would like more info on these articles go here for Falwell’s thoughts: http://www.ethicsdaily.com/article_detail.cfm?AID=8596 or go here for Dobson’s and friends’ remarks: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/marchweb-only/109-53.0.html.
It really upsets me that people in such high positions in the Evangelical church would come out and say something like this (I’m more focused on Dobson here, as again I really hope there are more people out there laughing at Jerry Falwell then taking him seriously). Besides, even if (and I do mean if) global warming isn’t occurring, shouldn’t we as Christians still be encouraging one another to honour God by taking care of this gift that has been given (the earth)? To encourage each other to focus on moving away from materialism and be more responsible with the resources we have been given? To be better stewards? To not buy SUV’s or trucks if they’re not for work purposes? To be more conscientious of the global community and how every time we’re at the grocery store buying grapes (or whatever your veggies and fruits are) from Chilli (or any other developing or unstable economically nation) we’re stealing food from a community who is starving because they’re being made to export their food to feed other families who on average, tosses 20%-40% of the produce they buy from companies who are based in North America but continue to run companies in other countries in a manner that would never be allowed to take place in their home country. Where unfair wages and long hours, are the norm. Where land is raped of it’s nutrients as it’s over harvested and pumped with chemicals used to kill ‘predators’ (bugs) and is subsequently destroying parts of an already fragile ecosystem. And don’t even get me started on the distance these grapes (or other fruits or veggies) have to travel using gas and refrigeration on the journey.
Phew – I’m getting’ angry. Whoa - my blood pressure I'm sure has gone up. OK, so you get my point, we need to be better stewards and this is important to me. Is it important to you? If so, what are doing to show this?
By the way, have you thought of trying the 100-mile diet challenge? For more, go here: http://www.100milediet.org/.
OK, and I will try to be quick on thought number 2, as you’re probably getting antsy.
So, a couple days ago I get an e-mail about a focus group looking for young Christian women to come and discuss their thoughts on various ministries. So, I signed up, not just because I love to give my opinion but also I could finally get paid to do so – and the payment? $75!!! Awesome.
For 2 hours then we (me and 4 other women) chatted about different ministries. However, the focus group was to find out what we thought/ knew about Kenneth Copeland ministries. Well, before signing up for this focus group I will be honest, I didn’t know any thing about this ministry. But, being a BIG fan of Google and having a few hours on my hands I did some research, since they mentioned a few ministries I might want to have some knowledge on. And what did I find? The antithesis of my Christian existence (no, this is not more on Jerry Falwell). I discovered ‘Word-Faith’. Word, wha? That’s right, “Word-Faith”. Here it is explained by Pastor and Authour Gary E. Gilley and then in the words of several proponents of this movement, namely Kenneth Copeland:
“As is implied by the title “Word-Faith,” the supporters of this movement believe that faith works like a mighty power or force. Through faith, we can obtain anything we want -- health, wealth, success, whatever. However, this force is only released through the spoken word. As we speak the words of faith, power is discharged to accomplish our desires. Hagin's theme, as found in his booklet How to Write Your Own Ticket with God, can be summarized as follows (Christianity in Crisis, pp. 74-75):
In the opening chapter, titled "Jesus Appears to Me," Hagin claims that while he “was in the Spirit” -- just like the apostle John on the Isle of Patmos -- a white cloud enveloped him and he began to speak in tongues. “Then the Lord Jesus Himself appeared to me,” says Hagin. “He stood within three feet of me.” After what sounded like a casual conversation about such things as finances, ministry, and even current affairs, Jesus told Hagin to get a pencil and a piece of paper. He then instructed him to “Write down: 1,2,3,4.” Jesus then allegedly told Hagin ”if anybody, anywhere, will take these four steps or put these four principles into operation, he will always receive whatever he wants from Me or from God the Father.” That includes whatever you want financially. The formula is simply: “Say it, Do it, Receive it, and Tell it.”
1. Step number one is “Say it.” “Positive or negative, it is up to the individual. According to what the individual says, that shall he receive.”
2. Step number two is “Do it.” “Your action defeats you or puts you over. According to your action, you receive or you are kept from receiving.”
3. Step number three is “Receive it.” We are to plug into the “powerhouse of heaven.” “Faith is the plug, praise God! Just plug in.”
4. Step number four is “Tell it so others may believe.” This final step might be considered the Faith movement's outreach program.
Kenneth Copeland states the faith formula this way: "All it takes is
1) Seeing or visualizing whatever you need, whether physical or financial;
2) Staking your claim on Scripture; and
3) Speaking it into existence" (Christianity in Crisis, p. 80).”
OHMIGOSH!!! I'm suddenly over-come with the desire to kick the crap out of something (inanimate of course)! Wow, nothing burns me up more then this ‘type’ of simplification, misinterpretation, and false theology then this! And to top it all off – what REALLY burned me the most? The woman leading this focus group I believe was un-churched. So now here she is, working on this assignment which is giving her a glimpse into what she’s being told is a Christian Ministry. Lord have mercy! No wonder Christians get framed in a negative light so often. That’s it, I have to stop here, I’m getting too worked-up and I shouldn’t really be crying at work. But it just grieves me so much to know that God is being abused so horribly for political and monetary gain. It hurts me to see the special and intimate relationship one can have with Jesus Christ is being boiled down to 3 or 4 steps of what YOU have rights to demand out of it. Anybody else out there grieving this?
P.S. This is Kenneth Copeland - to find out what he does you can visit his website at http://www.kcm.org/. To see pictures of him with his new jet, Google Kenneth Copeland jet ministry.
1.) The Christian right and their stance that Global Warming is a “tool of Satan”
2.) Kenneth Copeland Ministries
The first point is offensive to my soul because it’s absurd! But, that doesn’t really explain it – it’s like saying something is “stupid” (which is also true in this case). Anyway, I will share with you why I am so peeved with this particular group. Please note, I know not everyone who would be considered a part of this group believes that global warming is a hoax. Please also note, I don’t like using the terms 'right' and 'left' to describe Christians. However, it helps me to get across my point quickly – and I'm at work . . . Don’t worry, I’ll work through lunch and I rarely take breaks, so I am not stealing from my employer.
OK. So, where was I before I set my disclaimers? Oh yes, Jerry Falwell and James Dobson and their thoughts on global warming. Now, of course one would suspect Jerry Falwell of saying something so ill conceived - (that the debate over global warming "is a tool of satan"). It’s almost expected. Besides, does anyone really take this man seriously any more? But then to have Dr. James Dobson, founder and Chair of the Board of Focus on the Family (which I'm saving for another post and could evetually be the basis for my Doctoral dissertaion if I ever do a Doctorate), and some of his cronies, demanded Richard Cizik’s resignation from the National Association of Evangelicals because Cizik “cannot be trusted to articulate the views of American evangelicals on environmental issues.”
This is madness! Oh, and what might these unusual views be, you ask? Cizik agrees with the consensus of international scientists, religious leaders, business leaders and economists that global warming is an urgent and imminent threat to planet earth, a threat that if not acted upon soon will only get worse and worse (thank-you Joey for allowing me to plagiarize without your knowledge). If you would like more info on these articles go here for Falwell’s thoughts: http://www.ethicsdaily.com/article_detail.cfm?AID=8596 or go here for Dobson’s and friends’ remarks: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/marchweb-only/109-53.0.html.
It really upsets me that people in such high positions in the Evangelical church would come out and say something like this (I’m more focused on Dobson here, as again I really hope there are more people out there laughing at Jerry Falwell then taking him seriously). Besides, even if (and I do mean if) global warming isn’t occurring, shouldn’t we as Christians still be encouraging one another to honour God by taking care of this gift that has been given (the earth)? To encourage each other to focus on moving away from materialism and be more responsible with the resources we have been given? To be better stewards? To not buy SUV’s or trucks if they’re not for work purposes? To be more conscientious of the global community and how every time we’re at the grocery store buying grapes (or whatever your veggies and fruits are) from Chilli (or any other developing or unstable economically nation) we’re stealing food from a community who is starving because they’re being made to export their food to feed other families who on average, tosses 20%-40% of the produce they buy from companies who are based in North America but continue to run companies in other countries in a manner that would never be allowed to take place in their home country. Where unfair wages and long hours, are the norm. Where land is raped of it’s nutrients as it’s over harvested and pumped with chemicals used to kill ‘predators’ (bugs) and is subsequently destroying parts of an already fragile ecosystem. And don’t even get me started on the distance these grapes (or other fruits or veggies) have to travel using gas and refrigeration on the journey.
Phew – I’m getting’ angry. Whoa - my blood pressure I'm sure has gone up. OK, so you get my point, we need to be better stewards and this is important to me. Is it important to you? If so, what are doing to show this?
By the way, have you thought of trying the 100-mile diet challenge? For more, go here: http://www.100milediet.org/.
OK, and I will try to be quick on thought number 2, as you’re probably getting antsy.
So, a couple days ago I get an e-mail about a focus group looking for young Christian women to come and discuss their thoughts on various ministries. So, I signed up, not just because I love to give my opinion but also I could finally get paid to do so – and the payment? $75!!! Awesome.
For 2 hours then we (me and 4 other women) chatted about different ministries. However, the focus group was to find out what we thought/ knew about Kenneth Copeland ministries. Well, before signing up for this focus group I will be honest, I didn’t know any thing about this ministry. But, being a BIG fan of Google and having a few hours on my hands I did some research, since they mentioned a few ministries I might want to have some knowledge on. And what did I find? The antithesis of my Christian existence (no, this is not more on Jerry Falwell). I discovered ‘Word-Faith’. Word, wha? That’s right, “Word-Faith”. Here it is explained by Pastor and Authour Gary E. Gilley and then in the words of several proponents of this movement, namely Kenneth Copeland:
“As is implied by the title “Word-Faith,” the supporters of this movement believe that faith works like a mighty power or force. Through faith, we can obtain anything we want -- health, wealth, success, whatever. However, this force is only released through the spoken word. As we speak the words of faith, power is discharged to accomplish our desires. Hagin's theme, as found in his booklet How to Write Your Own Ticket with God, can be summarized as follows (Christianity in Crisis, pp. 74-75):
In the opening chapter, titled "Jesus Appears to Me," Hagin claims that while he “was in the Spirit” -- just like the apostle John on the Isle of Patmos -- a white cloud enveloped him and he began to speak in tongues. “Then the Lord Jesus Himself appeared to me,” says Hagin. “He stood within three feet of me.” After what sounded like a casual conversation about such things as finances, ministry, and even current affairs, Jesus told Hagin to get a pencil and a piece of paper. He then instructed him to “Write down: 1,2,3,4.” Jesus then allegedly told Hagin ”if anybody, anywhere, will take these four steps or put these four principles into operation, he will always receive whatever he wants from Me or from God the Father.” That includes whatever you want financially. The formula is simply: “Say it, Do it, Receive it, and Tell it.”
1. Step number one is “Say it.” “Positive or negative, it is up to the individual. According to what the individual says, that shall he receive.”
2. Step number two is “Do it.” “Your action defeats you or puts you over. According to your action, you receive or you are kept from receiving.”
3. Step number three is “Receive it.” We are to plug into the “powerhouse of heaven.” “Faith is the plug, praise God! Just plug in.”
4. Step number four is “Tell it so others may believe.” This final step might be considered the Faith movement's outreach program.
Kenneth Copeland states the faith formula this way: "All it takes is
1) Seeing or visualizing whatever you need, whether physical or financial;
2) Staking your claim on Scripture; and
3) Speaking it into existence" (Christianity in Crisis, p. 80).”
OHMIGOSH!!! I'm suddenly over-come with the desire to kick the crap out of something (inanimate of course)! Wow, nothing burns me up more then this ‘type’ of simplification, misinterpretation, and false theology then this! And to top it all off – what REALLY burned me the most? The woman leading this focus group I believe was un-churched. So now here she is, working on this assignment which is giving her a glimpse into what she’s being told is a Christian Ministry. Lord have mercy! No wonder Christians get framed in a negative light so often. That’s it, I have to stop here, I’m getting too worked-up and I shouldn’t really be crying at work. But it just grieves me so much to know that God is being abused so horribly for political and monetary gain. It hurts me to see the special and intimate relationship one can have with Jesus Christ is being boiled down to 3 or 4 steps of what YOU have rights to demand out of it. Anybody else out there grieving this?
P.S. This is Kenneth Copeland - to find out what he does you can visit his website at http://www.kcm.org/. To see pictures of him with his new jet, Google Kenneth Copeland jet ministry.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Feels like home to me. OK, well seems like home to me?
Steve’s dad is home now. This is great as I am sure he was tired of the hospital. I mean even at the end of the day at work or a long trip, there’s no place quite like home. And multiply that when I am not well or in pain and well, little red-shoed Dorothy had it right.
Hmmm . . . Home. What a concept. I mean as a Christian home is the hear after – Heaven. I believe this.
As a human being, home is also that place where I can ‘let my hair down’. But, it is so much more than that. And yet, as someone who has moved around a great deal, home is somewhat abstract. I mean for Steve he can say, “Winnipeg is home”. He was born there, raised there, and the vast majority of his friends are there. Should I live in Winnipeg 20 years this could never be true for me (and it should be noted that in fact Winnipeg, or at least Winnipeg and surrounding area, is the longest place I have ever lived). But, Winnipeg is not, nor will it ever be, home (I am trying not to apologize for this vow, because I do enjoy some aspects of Winnipeg, MB, but I gotta say, Winnipeg has nothing on the Maritimes - except jobs).
The Maritimes, and in particular Halifax, I have claimed, is home. Yet, this is still not entirely accurate. Though it is my favourite city I have ever been/ lived, it is no longer home. It has a definite place in my heart though. Nor is home where my parents reside (the booming metropolis of Coles Island, NB). Nor was it where I was born (Newcastle, NB – lived there maybe two years? Couldn't even find it quickly on a NB map). Nor is it really where I was raised or grew as an individual (all over NB, 8 months in Edmonton, AB, just over 2 years in Montreal, QC, about 3 years in St. John’s, NF, on and off in Halifax/Dartmouth, NS, as well as Barrie/ Toronto, ON, 1 year in southern California).
Home is truly then, where my heart is. Where I feel I belong. Where I feel connected and have some history or roots. But, my heart then, is divided. For my heart then is where my sister is, Toronto, ON, where my oldest friends are, Halifax, NS, where my closest friends are, Calgary, AB and Haiti, where my parents are, and where my husband is. As well, my heart is with the 48 million AIDS orphans in Africa (and should the Lord see fit, Steve and I will be doing work there in just over a year for hopefully 2 years– and then quite literally my heart will be with these children).
So home, eh? What an idea. What’s your idea of home? Or where does it feel like home for you?
On a somewhat related note, my dad said to me one day over the Christmas holidays that he and my mom were wrestling with where they should be buried when they die. Yes, a rather morbid discussion for Christmas, but I guess a practical one. Anyway, they truly are at a loss. Because my sister and I live away and they no longer have connections to their hometowns, they really have no one place that sticks out as the place to be buried. It's tough not having physical roots. I wonder if there are many others in such a state, what with the global community we now have? Hmmm . . . I imagine so.
Hmmm . . . Home. What a concept. I mean as a Christian home is the hear after – Heaven. I believe this.
As a human being, home is also that place where I can ‘let my hair down’. But, it is so much more than that. And yet, as someone who has moved around a great deal, home is somewhat abstract. I mean for Steve he can say, “Winnipeg is home”. He was born there, raised there, and the vast majority of his friends are there. Should I live in Winnipeg 20 years this could never be true for me (and it should be noted that in fact Winnipeg, or at least Winnipeg and surrounding area, is the longest place I have ever lived). But, Winnipeg is not, nor will it ever be, home (I am trying not to apologize for this vow, because I do enjoy some aspects of Winnipeg, MB, but I gotta say, Winnipeg has nothing on the Maritimes - except jobs).
The Maritimes, and in particular Halifax, I have claimed, is home. Yet, this is still not entirely accurate. Though it is my favourite city I have ever been/ lived, it is no longer home. It has a definite place in my heart though. Nor is home where my parents reside (the booming metropolis of Coles Island, NB). Nor was it where I was born (Newcastle, NB – lived there maybe two years? Couldn't even find it quickly on a NB map). Nor is it really where I was raised or grew as an individual (all over NB, 8 months in Edmonton, AB, just over 2 years in Montreal, QC, about 3 years in St. John’s, NF, on and off in Halifax/Dartmouth, NS, as well as Barrie/ Toronto, ON, 1 year in southern California).
Home is truly then, where my heart is. Where I feel I belong. Where I feel connected and have some history or roots. But, my heart then, is divided. For my heart then is where my sister is, Toronto, ON, where my oldest friends are, Halifax, NS, where my closest friends are, Calgary, AB and Haiti, where my parents are, and where my husband is. As well, my heart is with the 48 million AIDS orphans in Africa (and should the Lord see fit, Steve and I will be doing work there in just over a year for hopefully 2 years– and then quite literally my heart will be with these children).
So home, eh? What an idea. What’s your idea of home? Or where does it feel like home for you?
On a somewhat related note, my dad said to me one day over the Christmas holidays that he and my mom were wrestling with where they should be buried when they die. Yes, a rather morbid discussion for Christmas, but I guess a practical one. Anyway, they truly are at a loss. Because my sister and I live away and they no longer have connections to their hometowns, they really have no one place that sticks out as the place to be buried. It's tough not having physical roots. I wonder if there are many others in such a state, what with the global community we now have? Hmmm . . . I imagine so.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Thanks for the prayers
Hey all. Thank you so much for the support. Man I appreciate friends. Wow - what a big hug I got from each of your comments. I am teared up with joy. THANK YOU.
Steve's dad is still in the hospital and will be for a few days. This is due to pain management. He has 3 broken ribs, a broken shoulder bone and a broken collar bone. WOW! But, despite the pain he's in his spirits are up. Though, please continue to keep him in your prayers as he's in pain and has stated that he's felt himself slipping into a slump. Totally normal of course, but none-the-less difficult.
Please keep Steve in your prayers too as he feels so useless. He wants to help, but there's not much he can do. There's only so much time you can spend at the hospital and only so many errands that need to be run. So, he's kinda feeling stuck.
Sorry for all my venting these last few Blogs. I was just commenting to Steve last night, as we went for a late night walk, how good we have it. We both have jobs (Steve is now working half time at the University of Manitoba in Disabilities Services). Steve is doing a practicum at the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba - like the best place to be able to do your practicum. We both will be graduating this April. My folks are coming then and then we get to go to NS/NB in May to see my oldest friend get married (WOW! How wonderfully exciting) and see other friends! Steve and I also get to go to San Jose, CA in late June to early July with my work. There we're doing a seminar for youth on Addictions. Cool, eh? Steve and I are speaking at a HUGE Conference - we'll be in the conference book and everything. And we'll be doing it together. Awesome. And just in reality, each day comes with ups and downs, but overall things that are important remain true. And these things for me are:
1. I love the Lord and I have a growing understanding of His love for me
2. Steve is healthy and he loves me
3. I am healthy and I love Steve
4. Our family, despite some broken bones, are healthy and they love us and we love them
5. I have friends that are supportive and kind and even despite the miles love on me so well and I except these gifts of their friendship as I attempt to reciprocate
So, I am one blessed woman of God - but I am still human I guess. So, I am prone to bad days but at the end of it I can confidently know that I am God's and He is mine and how blessed I am - I just may not feel it from time to time.
Steve's dad is still in the hospital and will be for a few days. This is due to pain management. He has 3 broken ribs, a broken shoulder bone and a broken collar bone. WOW! But, despite the pain he's in his spirits are up. Though, please continue to keep him in your prayers as he's in pain and has stated that he's felt himself slipping into a slump. Totally normal of course, but none-the-less difficult.
Please keep Steve in your prayers too as he feels so useless. He wants to help, but there's not much he can do. There's only so much time you can spend at the hospital and only so many errands that need to be run. So, he's kinda feeling stuck.
Sorry for all my venting these last few Blogs. I was just commenting to Steve last night, as we went for a late night walk, how good we have it. We both have jobs (Steve is now working half time at the University of Manitoba in Disabilities Services). Steve is doing a practicum at the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba - like the best place to be able to do your practicum. We both will be graduating this April. My folks are coming then and then we get to go to NS/NB in May to see my oldest friend get married (WOW! How wonderfully exciting) and see other friends! Steve and I also get to go to San Jose, CA in late June to early July with my work. There we're doing a seminar for youth on Addictions. Cool, eh? Steve and I are speaking at a HUGE Conference - we'll be in the conference book and everything. And we'll be doing it together. Awesome. And just in reality, each day comes with ups and downs, but overall things that are important remain true. And these things for me are:
1. I love the Lord and I have a growing understanding of His love for me
2. Steve is healthy and he loves me
3. I am healthy and I love Steve
4. Our family, despite some broken bones, are healthy and they love us and we love them
5. I have friends that are supportive and kind and even despite the miles love on me so well and I except these gifts of their friendship as I attempt to reciprocate
So, I am one blessed woman of God - but I am still human I guess. So, I am prone to bad days but at the end of it I can confidently know that I am God's and He is mine and how blessed I am - I just may not feel it from time to time.
By the way - I can't wait for summer when it's warmer out and Steve and I can go for longer walks - last night was just a taste of what will be! Yippieee . . .
Thursday, March 8, 2007
I have a headache
Today was my Friday the 13th. It seems that everything that I touched fell apart, was a disaster, warranted a freak out session, a shut my office door time, etc. My head just can’t take this. It’s been so bad today I have a headache. (I realize this is another entry on my stress-level – sorry). I guess this is a sign that I need a vacation. . . Oh dear, I sound like my mother (not that that’s a bad thing – Hi mom).
Today I think my blood pressure actually went up – hence the headache. Over what exactly? Well, first it started with my computer homework. I dislike EXCEL! I just can’t seem to get the hang of this computer program – well, at least when I am reading how to do things with Excel. (I am in class right now and it’s a little better. Thanks Holly – she’s my computer neighbor). And then there’s work related stuff that I would dig venting about – but it’s confidential. And then Steve called me today at work to tell me he was on the way to the hospital with his mother as his father was in a car accident – and he knew nothing more than that! WHOA!!! So, I shut my door calmly and prayed HARD!
Now, don’t worry too much (but do pray) as my father in law is doing OK. While I type he’s still in the hospital with a broken collar bone, bruised up shoulder, and various other things. He was getting his chest scanned when I had to leave for class (not that I was at the hospital – I went home early from work and waited for news from Steve).
So, that’s that. Highs and lows – mostly lows today. My week hasn’t been all bad. I got to hang with friends, see Steve most evenings, and relax. Just today was difficult. It was a bad day. Not a real self-esteem booster or happy day. A blah day. You know what I mean.
Today I think my blood pressure actually went up – hence the headache. Over what exactly? Well, first it started with my computer homework. I dislike EXCEL! I just can’t seem to get the hang of this computer program – well, at least when I am reading how to do things with Excel. (I am in class right now and it’s a little better. Thanks Holly – she’s my computer neighbor). And then there’s work related stuff that I would dig venting about – but it’s confidential. And then Steve called me today at work to tell me he was on the way to the hospital with his mother as his father was in a car accident – and he knew nothing more than that! WHOA!!! So, I shut my door calmly and prayed HARD!
Now, don’t worry too much (but do pray) as my father in law is doing OK. While I type he’s still in the hospital with a broken collar bone, bruised up shoulder, and various other things. He was getting his chest scanned when I had to leave for class (not that I was at the hospital – I went home early from work and waited for news from Steve).
So, that’s that. Highs and lows – mostly lows today. My week hasn’t been all bad. I got to hang with friends, see Steve most evenings, and relax. Just today was difficult. It was a bad day. Not a real self-esteem booster or happy day. A blah day. You know what I mean.
Friday, March 2, 2007
The lie that "time will tell"
Phew! Ever experience stress so much that your body feels on edge, your mind races even in the wee hours, you dream of the tasks you have to do at work, school, for volunteering, etc? Well these past two weeks I have been carrying a great deal and have experienced these things. It seems I had taken on quite a bit. Though I enjoy keeping busy, I think I hit a threshold recently.
It started with Computers Class, mix in the weight of my last counseling course before I graduate this April (FINALLY!), mix in Campus Visit Day at work – which I am in charge of planning and hosting (www.cmu.ca - check that off – until the next one at the end of March), then mix in volunteering for UNIFEM (http://www.unifem.org/) and their upcoming event (which took place last night – check that off) and then mix in my one client I am still meeting with, and work (it’s another busy season at CMU for me as applications are due if they want to receive Academic Entrance Scholarships), and throw in life – events I want to attend (Anglicanism 101 at St. Benedict’s Table http://www.stbenedictstable.ca/), a house that I like to keep clean, my husband whom I would like to see and spend time with, and shake all these up and you’ve got stress. Who knew?
But I have survived (obviously) and things are winding down and oh boy am I happy for this. Sure it’s all great things to be involved with. They each serve a wonderful purpose – raising money for UN projects that serve women around the world, raising awareness of Christian University Education, updating my computer skills, completing my Master of Arts. But sometimes I wonder to what end? Sometimes I wonder what I am working towards – as I don’t know what I want to be, to do, or whom I am becoming – because who I am now is not who I was a few years ago – but how did I get here?
You know, despite having a degree in Counselling Psychology (O.K. – I know not quite yet – but almost) I really am not reflective. But who has time? So much to be done – but again – to what end? Cyclical little bugger isn’t it. Crap. If only someone could figure it all out for me – save me time. Ha-ha. Time.
Oh time you nasty little thing – and to think you were invented to help create more humane working conditions. Yes, perhaps it does help working conditions – but what about my life’s condition – my soul’s condition?
It started with Computers Class, mix in the weight of my last counseling course before I graduate this April (FINALLY!), mix in Campus Visit Day at work – which I am in charge of planning and hosting (www.cmu.ca - check that off – until the next one at the end of March), then mix in volunteering for UNIFEM (http://www.unifem.org/) and their upcoming event (which took place last night – check that off) and then mix in my one client I am still meeting with, and work (it’s another busy season at CMU for me as applications are due if they want to receive Academic Entrance Scholarships), and throw in life – events I want to attend (Anglicanism 101 at St. Benedict’s Table http://www.stbenedictstable.ca/), a house that I like to keep clean, my husband whom I would like to see and spend time with, and shake all these up and you’ve got stress. Who knew?
But I have survived (obviously) and things are winding down and oh boy am I happy for this. Sure it’s all great things to be involved with. They each serve a wonderful purpose – raising money for UN projects that serve women around the world, raising awareness of Christian University Education, updating my computer skills, completing my Master of Arts. But sometimes I wonder to what end? Sometimes I wonder what I am working towards – as I don’t know what I want to be, to do, or whom I am becoming – because who I am now is not who I was a few years ago – but how did I get here?
You know, despite having a degree in Counselling Psychology (O.K. – I know not quite yet – but almost) I really am not reflective. But who has time? So much to be done – but again – to what end? Cyclical little bugger isn’t it. Crap. If only someone could figure it all out for me – save me time. Ha-ha. Time.
Oh time you nasty little thing – and to think you were invented to help create more humane working conditions. Yes, perhaps it does help working conditions – but what about my life’s condition – my soul’s condition?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Okay, Okay
Right. So, I'm in computer class and bored to tears, so I decided to create a Blog. I should do my homework for next week instead, but why be proactive? I mean, I only have a thousand things to do everyday (complain,complain) with only one evening free a week (to stay home and drink more than half a bottle of red wine and dream of my own house through the help of MLS - sorry mom, I know I shouldn't drink alone. No, I am not an alcoholic. Yes, I know it wasn't very smart. Yes, I know I live in a house already. Mom, it was only ONE TIME. No, you're right, I won't do it again).
Oh that conversation above? Yes it's my mother's voice in my head - it's the anticipated phone call I am preempting. Don't lie - I know you have such conversations in your head. They may not be so specific, but ask yourself, when was the last time you ate dessert before supper? Or didn't finish all your veggies? Or didn't brush your teeth before bed? That's your mother's voice in your head. Blog it some time - I'm sure it'll help.
So, here it is. Maybe I should list my hopes and expectations for this bit o' cyberspace. Let's see, I hope to learn how to post pictures. With this knowledge in hand I will then show off my life and all those things I deem important.
I hope to make witty comments and bold remarks about the state of affairs, life, religion, and other great topics so often discussed - like the weather.
I will attempt to avoid gushing over my husband and the wonderful things he does for me or how I miss him during my day at work - particularly when I have to sit through evening events (like this computer class) and therefore not get to see him until 10:00pm (that's 12 hours without him folks! That's a lot - don't you think?).
Oh, speaking of questions, I hope to post some from time to time to encourage my friends to waste more of their day writing on my Blog. I will try to ask meaningful questions though. That way you will feel justified when blogging at work, or instead of doing the dishes or homework - what have you.
I hope to blog fairly regularly - I wouldn't want to lose my fan base. In so doing, I will try to keep it short and to the point. Though, as you can read, I do tend to ramble. But, as my husband can attest to - I do amuse my self. And really, isn't that the point of blogging?
Oh that conversation above? Yes it's my mother's voice in my head - it's the anticipated phone call I am preempting. Don't lie - I know you have such conversations in your head. They may not be so specific, but ask yourself, when was the last time you ate dessert before supper? Or didn't finish all your veggies? Or didn't brush your teeth before bed? That's your mother's voice in your head. Blog it some time - I'm sure it'll help.
So, here it is. Maybe I should list my hopes and expectations for this bit o' cyberspace. Let's see, I hope to learn how to post pictures. With this knowledge in hand I will then show off my life and all those things I deem important.
I hope to make witty comments and bold remarks about the state of affairs, life, religion, and other great topics so often discussed - like the weather.
I will attempt to avoid gushing over my husband and the wonderful things he does for me or how I miss him during my day at work - particularly when I have to sit through evening events (like this computer class) and therefore not get to see him until 10:00pm (that's 12 hours without him folks! That's a lot - don't you think?).
Oh, speaking of questions, I hope to post some from time to time to encourage my friends to waste more of their day writing on my Blog. I will try to ask meaningful questions though. That way you will feel justified when blogging at work, or instead of doing the dishes or homework - what have you.
I hope to blog fairly regularly - I wouldn't want to lose my fan base. In so doing, I will try to keep it short and to the point. Though, as you can read, I do tend to ramble. But, as my husband can attest to - I do amuse my self. And really, isn't that the point of blogging?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
